Image of (from far left) Ken Paves, Jessica Simpson and Cacee Cobb courtesy of Accesshollywood.com

A few weeks ago, Jessica Simpson’s new reality series, The Price of Beauty, aired on VH1. The show is a far cry from Simpson’s days on Newlyweds (with then-husband Nick Lachey), but it is representative of the spot Simpson is at now in her life. This past year she dealt with extensive scrutiny over her weight and her relationships.

On the show, Simpson and her longtime friends, Cacee Cobb and Ken Paves, travel to countries around the world to learn about beauty rituals, customs and practices. They come face-to-face with women who have particular stories to share. They also partake in massages, oil treatments on their scalp and henna tattooing in order to experience what women in each country go through for beauty. So far, the group has met women in Thailand, Paris and India.

The episode in Paris represented what have become the Western ideals of beauty, which we can see in our own society in the U.S. Simpson, Cobb and Paves sit down with their “beauty ambassador” who is a Parisian model. She tells them that her contract includes what weight she must maintain; if she doesn’t keep close to this weight, she can be fired. (Most models in France, on average, are 16-years-old and weigh 115 pounds.) She also makes a point to tell the group that the croissants they are eating are not what models eat.

“But it’s a croissant,” said Simpson. “I thought we were being French.”

They also meet a former model who is struggling to overcome her anorexia. At her lowest she was 86 pounds. The most frightening part is that she modeled at this weight and no agency seemed to see a problem with her unhealthy weight. She appeared in a controversial ad shown during Italian Fashion Week in 2007 where she was displayed nude on a billboard for the line Nolita with a headline “No Anorexia” above her.

This story especially hits home for Simpson. “I’ve been criticized and told I was fat…the skinnier you are doesn’t make you more beautiful.”

In other countries, the group meets women who have similar stories. In Thailand, a woman bleached her skin to appear fairer and it caused irreparable damage; her husband left her and she is embarrassed to appear in public. (Women in Thailand want to have fair skin because having tanner skin means they are lower class and work in the fields — an opposite notion from our country.)

The greatest hope I have for the series is to show young women that the ideal of beauty is not concrete; it changes between people, places, times and events. What women can take away is that their certain kind of beauty is represented and appreciated in the world. Perhaps it will help us redefine beauty.

Watch The Price of Beauty Mondays at 10 p.m. EST on VH1.

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There’s something I call The Fat Dance. I developed it my senior year of college. Living on my own for the first time, I was up to my ears in looming deadlines and decisions. Instead of focusing on answers, I zeroed in on fat.  I’d stare at my tummy in the mirror, mesmerized by any minuscule gain. Hunched over, I would pinch. Pinch the tummy. Then the arms. Then the butt. It became a bad habit, soon a vicious cycle.

That was the same year I was introduced to The Beauty Myth. Naomi Wolf’s message hit my fledgling psyche like a ton of bricks: throughout our female culture we have created the myth that if we work hard enough, we will be beautiful. Ms. Wolf put names to my invisible demons: The Church of Beauty, the Secret Girl Club, Mental Anorexia. Recognizing the myth was my first step away from the mirror, and I haven’t done The Fat Dance since.

My friends and collaborators Elizabeth and Caitlin gifted me the book as a step towards generating a new play. A show that would call out the very real, and often hilarious, battle women wage against each other and themselves. Needless to say, I was inspired.

Five years, countless drafts, workshops, fundraisers and miracles later, we are opening Pretty Girls on July 3rd. Our commitment to sharing this message with other women has created a world of characters and experiences. To name a few…

Cindy is playing The Woman in White. She’s the same age as my mother and ran a marathon last year, as a present to herself. When we talk as a cast about the meaning behind Pretty Girls, Cindy is quick to represent her generation. “I grew up with women who were unsettled by dirt on the base of their toilets, who would never question putting on makeup. It’s very vulnerable to get behind The Woman in White, because her appearance is everything. And when that’s taken away…she can’t recognize herself. And I know what that feels like – the rituals of beauty are so powerful.”

We cast Sara as Maia – the beauty hypocrite – because in her audition she immediately accessed the indignation of an outsider who secretly wants nothing more than to be ‘in’. When we finished the second read through, she exclaimed, “I didn’t realize how funny Maia is…I was going for a much more serious take.” That’s the balance of presenting a political satire: there are countless sides to every person, though they may not be readily apparent. Point them out, and a standing ovation ain’t far behind.

And then there’s yours truly. When our company cast me as Miss Universe, I was quick to tell my friends, “It’s obviously a comedy! I am NOT the type.” Too true – but as I delved into the character I realized that the ambition, creativity and confidence it takes to succeed in the Beauty World isn’t far removed from my reality of day job, theatre and relationships. It’s the goals that are skewed, not the women behind them. Blame the dance, not the fat.

If you’re in the Seattle area July 3rd -11th get your tickets for Pretty Girls at www.brownpapertickets.com.

image courtesy of jay yamakawa

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A gym in the Netherlands has created a new way to shame people into buying a membership: as part of an advertising campaign, a scale is attached to a bus stop bench which gives a reading of your weight, displayed in large red numbers for everyone to see. The whole thing is awkward, to say the least, even distasteful.

We could all start shaking our angry fists and proclaim, “How dare they!” but this really wouldn’t get us anywhere. Unfortunately, this type of gimmick is only indicative of a larger problem: advertisers want you to feel bad about yourself. Because, for advertisers, when this happens, it means you will buy one of their product to improve yourself (and make them money).

One of the ways that this has become a standard in our culture is through the promotion of deceiving standards of beauty. The pictures of men and women we see in magazines, on billboards, and on the sides of buses are barely comparable to the real thing. If you haven’t already, take a look at Kelly Clarkson on the cover of her single album “My Life Would Suck Without You.”

According to a New York Times op-ed piece, photographs in magazines are often retouched 20 or 30 times before they are published. Retouched pictures are starting to look more like paintings than photographs, though we still process these as photographs of real people.

And this is not without its consequences. A University of Missouri study found that the self-esteem of women decreases after looking at a women’s magazine for just 1-3 minutes. It took me awhile myself to recognize the feeling I got when I read fashion magazines as an incredible longing to look more beautiful—and that’s when I stopped reading them.

It is no wonder, then, that being faced with our weight in such a crude manner as this ploy in the Netherlands is an uncomfortable notion. Despite all this, women’s magazines continue to sell, billboards are still persuasive and the buses roll, on displaying beautiful, non-existent people. And women continue to buy the lotions, creams, scents, spray tans (even gym memberships) that are advertised to them in large quantities—perhaps in some attempt to look more like the pictures we are all inundated with.

The people who created the advertising campaign for the gym know all of this. The scale in the bus bench plays off of our skewed understanding of ourselves within a world of impossible standards.  This gym is relying on the fact that women generally already feel bad about themselves, that even the skinniest wants to be skinnier, that weight is a terrifying number.

But consider this—such an advertisement is only effective if you do feel like you need to live up to the pictures around you. Start looking at advertisements for what they are. Honestly evaluate if you do need more exercise, if you really do need that product. Two actions that look the same may be quite different if the motivation behind it differs.

If you are conscious of their games, then maybe you can stare at that big red number and laugh. It’s worth a shot.

photo courtesy of adfreak

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Hear what our staff has to say and even add your own comments!

Morgan: I embrace femininity by opting not to define it. There are too many characteristics of my personality to simply align myself with the traits of one gender. I can get all glamed up on Saturday night when I choose to, but also can swear like a sailor and play some intense, sand-in-your-teeth beach volleyball with the guys the very next day.

Kit: I embrace my femininity during workouts- wearing an adidas tracksuit with mascara and lip gloss on.

Carrie B.: As a mother, every day my daughter reminds me of what it is to be a woman.  I like to express my femininity through the clothes I wear, be it jeans or a dress, my clothes always represent my confidence and womanhood.

Amy: Femininity is having confidence in your inner and outer beauty.

Opal: Oh, feminine wiles: those delicious little nothings we delve into in solitude…only to find out our girlfriends are doing the exact same things! For me, it’s baking bread while wearing a vintage apron. Curling my pin straight hair also has a special place in my heart.

Danielle: For so long, women were looked at and judged for being the more “emotional” of the sexes, for better and for worse, and whatever that really means. Embracing femininity, to me, deals directly with being fearless to feel and to express those feelings. Femininity encompasses vulnerability at times but also great strength, and it is in accepting both facets that makes us the best women we can be.

Rosalind: Defining femininity is like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet trying to catch a heffalump. You won’t get very far, and the thing probably doesn’t exist in the first place.

Nalea: Ten-year-old Nalea would have answered this with three words: ruffles and Aquanet. Now, I define femininity as anything that makes me feel confident as a woman. For me that usually means being primped, polished and intelligent.

Edith: To me, femininity is a women’s confidence. To be able to keep a strong and independent persona while expressing themselves without compromising their identity.

Diane: To me femininity is a rock wrapped in lace. It’s an item of contrasts and contradictions that fuels my soul and supports my bones.

Laura: I embrace my own femininity by taking pride in being innately nurturing, gentle and kind.

Sophia: Femininity is confidence.  A confident woman knows herself and, in turn, makes others want to know her.

Emily R.: By feeling pretty; some days it’s spending an extra 2 minutes on make-up, others it’s a cute top.  Nothing too extravagant but dressing up makes me feel more feminine.

photo by jessie romaneix

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The first thing you might notice about 22 year old Leah Fortgang is her peaches and cream complexion, her raven colored hair that flows past her waist, or her vivacious smile full of perfect white teeth. It seems almost shocking that a girl with a face born to grace magazine covers could ever have considered herself “flawed” and that she didn’t “come out right.”

When Leah was in the seventh grade she made a disturbing observation that her right breast didn’t seem to fill out her bra the same way her left one did. The older she got the larger her left breast grew, ending up with one A cup and one large C cup. While boobs are like snowflakes (no two the same), they usually closely resemble each other. Doctors are unsure what causes the kind of dramatic difference that Leah experienced, but she was assured that her “deformity” was covered by her health insurance.

Puberty is hard for everyone, but Leah spent a lot of time hiding herself and padding her bras, not to mention hating her body. Losing her virginity at 14 only added to her insecurities and she “felt like essentially my breast area should be of no interest to those guys. It just added to the feeling that I wasn’t worth very much…my chest area should be ignored and something I should be forgiven for.”

It wasn’t until she was about 18 that she got the wake-up call. She was hooking up with her current love interest and made a derogatory comment about herself only for him to quickly respond, “You know what? I think your breasts have character.” Suddenly it dawned on her that being different and having “character” were things that she liked about herself.

Now Leah has spent a lot of time concentrating good feelings toward her physical appearance. While she could have cosmetic surgery to either increase the size of one or reduce the size of the other, for the time being, she’s decided she likes them just they way they are. She’s even ditched the padding. She admits that it’s frustrating that she can’t always buy the clothes she wants to wear but “being cool with it makes me feel even better about myself.” She’s also come to realize that guys really don’t seem to notice as much as she always thought they did because “they’re still boobs.”

While Leah sports her rockin’ figure with loads of confidence now, she hasn’t forgotten the long dark road she had to walk first. She was “stoked” to do this interview because she hoped she could help someone else in a similar situation. She wants other girls to know, “If you get into this pattern where you really hate something about yourself and everyday you look in the mirror and you’re unhappy, it sucks…It’s your body and you can make your own decision how you feel about it.”

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To catch you up to speed, my perfect looking best friend and I came up with the “Enough Already” philosophy: to start seeing ourselves through each other’s eyes. This way we might learn to like ourselves…a lot. Friends are a true reflection of yourself and they bring out the best in you.

But nothing brings out the worst in you quite like getting ready for a blind date that your perfect best friend sets you up on. The reason being, the blind date probably assumes you’re just as cute as your friend and that your boobs are just as big. Sometimes “like” doesn’t always mean “carbon copy.”

I was looking in the mirror and I was going crazy convincing myself that I didn’t care what this stranger thought of me! The words “enough already” kept ringing in my ears like the beat of a drum. I then looked in the mirror again and tried to see perfection in the wrinkle between my brows because my friends tell me it’s cute. It wasn’t working!

I fretted over all my imperfections, changed my outfit twelve times and even contemplated not going. I wanted to believe in “Enough Already.” I really did. But I still couldn’t help but think that if I was as perfect as my friend, I wouldn’t be worrying at all.

On the date, I was so nervous, I downed cocktail after cocktail. My blind date was 35 years old, which for most women in their mid 20’s means that the guy is intellectually and emotionally on the same page (aka over the “player” phase). He was also gorgeous, successful, and not an actor. If you live in LA, you understand. Basically, he was perfect and could potentially be “the one.”

After my third martini, I had really calmed down and started to enjoy myself. I think I was very charming and I might have even sensed a connection.

Suddenly, my cell phone rang. I looked down to see who it was and in my slightly blurred vision, I saw that it was my best friend calling. I picked up the phone and before I could utter one word, I heard her crying. Her boyfriend decided that maybe monogamy wasn’t “his thing.” With no hesitation, I got in a cab and met her at another bar where she balled her eyes out over margaritas.

The reasons for their breakup were many, but ultimately it came down to the simple fact that they weren’t right for each other. As she later said that night, “Nobody’s perfect. Everybody’s crazy, especially him. I guess I just need to find the kind of crazy I am willing to put up with.”

I then said, “Come on, you’re not crazy.”

She replied, “Yes, I am. You love me so it doesn’t matter. You’re crazy too but I let it go.”

To be continued…

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We forgot a long time ago. We forgot that we’re on the same team, fighting for the same things. We somehow got convinced to be threatened by each other, to fear the “successful” and hate the “pretty.” We forgot the concept of “sisters” altogether.

Bellism is our reminder. It’s our wake up call, our screaming alarm. Now, I could get technical and explain the epiphany I had sitting in my grad school class, my academic realization contrasting this 21^st century movement to that of the past feminist waves, but I’d rather not bore you with pedantic jargon.

I’d rather focus on what being a Bellist means for you, for me and for every other girl I know. I basically got sick of unrealistic, unattainable expectations of a Victoria Secret body that I’ll never have nor any of my friends for that matter (except my high school best friend, Frannie who could eat an entire stack of pancakes, pizza, chocolate cake… AND still have a six pack). I also got fed up with girls being so mean to each other, so unbelievably catty and backstabbing. Both of these things have become the nemesis to us chicks. Rather than focusing on our strengths, our passions, making a difference in the world and contributing our talents, we’re distracted by never being thin enough, pretty enough or having the latest three thousand dollar BCBG sundress. Worse, we pretend we have it all together instead of being vulnerable and admitting we really don’t know what the hell we’re doing and being supportive, encouraging and inspiring one another on this crazy hard journey to discovering our best selves.

So we have a new battle, a new fight in front of us and it’s not about trying to be considered as capable as men (though that battle was incredible and there are still more strides to be made). Somehow we got confused somewhere and we turned on each other. Bellism is a much needed RE-programming to this mishap.

Bellism is a social movement to shift our paradigm, to join forces, to combine our efforts and remind all women that we are in fact on the SAME team. We can accomplish a lot on our own; we can accomplish more with a handful; we can accomplish the impossible if we’re ALL on board.

Bellism strives to create a new definition of “beautiful,” one that is timeless, effortless and can be applied to ALL of us. It’s a reminder that out physical beauty is but one slice of the pie that makes us beautiful.

We’re on a mission ladies and we need your help. We want our efforts, our time and our energy to be spent on changing our world for the better and for being the best version of ourselves, not wasting anymore time fighting amongst ourselves… it’s time we refocus, regroup and rethink our strategy. Due to the things we’re conjuring up, the “impossible” dreams, the lofty goals we want to achieve, and the global issues we want to solve… BELLISTS MUST UNITE!

We have a mission far bigger than ourselves. We’re changing the world and it wouldn’t be half as fun if you weren’t a part of it… so get up and TRUST you’ll never be the same again… none of us will be for that matter… we’re sounding the Bellist Battle Cry!

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My best girlfriend is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She is 5’10, tan and blonde with huge NATURAL breasts. She towers over my 5’5 frame, tiny boobs, big butt, pale skin and short auburn hair. To sum up my dating life, men are few and far between and the ones I do get usually like me because they eventually get to know me. She, on the other hand, has to pull out her weed whacker and is notoriously dating the hottest men on the face of the planet.

Look, I know looks aren’t everything. I know traits such as intelligence, self-respect, and humor matter in the long run. But in the short run, I would like to be her for just one day, maybe two. I would like to know what it feels like to be that skinny and that beautiful and have everyone all day remind me of it.

One Saturday night, she and I were headed to a bar. Before I left the house, I was feeling pretty self confident. I did the mirror check, pulled my jeans up over my love handles and got in her car. My self-confidence deflated liked a popped balloon the second I saw how amazing she looked. Before I could open my mouth she said, “I’ve gained weight, I feel so fat. Do I look fat? Have you noticed? I want to look like you. You have the greatest butt. I need to go on a diet.” I watched her as she pinched her love handles and stomach to show me her fat.

I felt like I was in a warped reality. And did she just say she wanted to look like me? Ah, the vicious cycle. After bantering back and forth about fat, diets, and workout regimes, we both admitted we sounded obnoxious. If anyone outside the car had heard us, we might have been beaten up. We made a joke that we should change the subject and talk about politics to redeem ourselves.

Then she simply said, “Enough already! I think we should just try to see ourselves the way we see each other. Maybe then we’ll stop obsessing.”

There was a brief pause. I don’t think she truly knew how accurate she was. At that point, I was even more jealous. She was blonde, beautiful and wise. The world isn’t fair.

As much as I admire my friend’s beauty, I am friends with her for reasons that have nothing to do with her looks. Her beauty wasn’t responsible for letting me cry on her shoulder for hours when my boyfriend broke up with me. Why is it that our friends see such beauty within us but we can’t see it in ourselves?

So that was the night that started the “Enough Already” philosophy. We both shook hands on it, she winked at me and we walked into the bar.

To be continued…

photos by scarleth blanco, leanne surfleet

beauty, best friends, enough already, friendship, jealousy, women Hide