I had my first official “quarterlife crisis” last week. In the middle Board meeting, I excused myself, stepped outside, and booked a ticket home to Austin. I flew home approximately 12 hours later and just fell into my mom and dad’s arms as they anxiously awaited my arrival. I could tell they were nervous when I called them in tears and simply said, “I booked a ticket and I’ll be home tomorrow night. Can y’all pick me up from the airport?” You know you have good parents when they hear the distress in your voice and, rather than ask a million questions, they simply replay, “Of course. So happy you’re coming home.”

Now I don’t know what it is for you, your friends, a vacant shack in the middle of nowhere, or the privacy of your bedroom you run to but, for me, it’s the welcoming arms of a huge Texas family and home cooking. Maybe it’s just that I’m exhausted, maybe it’s because I’m just homesick or questioning my priorities, my passion and my purpose. But all I know is, like a little kid, I went running home because whatever it was, I felt like I was buckling under the pressure of adulthood’s responsibilities and expectations.

However, despite my much needed R&R, I came home to the most chaotic, depressing, unexpected  storm possible. It’s like I was trying to avoid a hurricane and fled to an island halfway across the world, only to get hit by a tsunami. The morning I arrived, I found out a dear friend had just passed away. Two hours later I was updated that one of our closest family friends was literally “missing” and that my ex-boyfriend had officially moved on (and in) with his girlfriend. Regardless, the ol’ saying, “When it rains it pours” could not be more appropriate for the past week of my life.

That’s when it occurred to me, in my pity party of one, that while we can plan and perfectly orchestrate our lives, at the end of the day, there are times when we simply have to grab out floaties and hold on for dear life. Since I pride myself on “being the author of my own life” and “dictating life on my terms,” it’s always humbling to find yourself up *%$# creek without a paddle.

For the first time in my life, I had nothing: no answers, no brilliant responses or eloquent explanations. I didn’t know up from down, left from right, nor here nor there. I sat on my couch and cried. I cried for a friend I’ll never see again; I cried for fear of my life’s ambiguity; I cried for finally closing a chapter in my life’s longest love affair; I cried for realizing I can’t control every aspect of my life nor have everything figured our by 26 and then bawled even harder at the thought of just how much I was loved by the Looney Toons I call family.

Then, as soon as it came, it was gone. I sat in silence on my couch and, when the last tear drop had rolled down my face, I realized I had just weathered a huge life storm and I was going to live. That doesn’t mean things were fixed, hearts weren’t still bruised and my problems had miraculously evaporated; it meant, in spite of them, I knew I would be okay.

And sometimes being okay is just enough to keep you going. I was once told, “Don’t waste a good crisis.” It sounded ridiculous at the time but it occurred to me that it’s in the thick of life’s greatest storms that we really learn how to sail our ships and sometimes we have to be fully broken in order to rebuild even stronger. So if you’re headed for one, in the midst of one, or have just survived a good life crisis, welcome to the gang.

My advice for the future: do what you have to do. Run home, hide under the covers, crawl in a hole when the world seems too big and too scary. But after you cry, scream, throw a fit and get everything out, you better get back out there. As I’ve said before, this life is not about avoiding obstacles, heartaches or unpleasant circumstances; it’s about facing them head on, getting beat up and knocked down but always, no matter what, getting back up.

I fly back to LA tomorrow and while my storm has subsided for now, I gladly welcome the next one that tries to throw me off my course because this girl is ten times stronger than the chick she was a week ago and it’s going to take one hell of a storm to slow me down this time.

anxiety, crisis, cry, family, life, quarterlife crisis Hide

Everyday, without fail, I hear someone saying sarcastically, “Oh my gosh, I am so OCD.”

If you’re suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, this isn’t something you announce to others or laugh off as a quirky personality trait—it’s a mental disorder that deeply affects your life. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions) that are severe enough to be time consuming or cause significant impairment and marked distress.

Megan checks the locks every night before bed. She has a pattern: front door, balcony, bedroom, bedroom window, repeat. She unlocks each and then locks it again to makes sure it’s secure. She completes this routine six times in a row. Megan inherently believes she has to “or something bad is going to happen.” Sometimes when she is at work her mind tells her to do something out of the ordinary, such as: “Restart your computer 5 times in a row or something bad will happen.”

These thoughts ebb and flow as the day continues, and on particularly stressful days they increase to the point of constant chatter in her head. Megan hates these intrusions, these irrational thoughts, but she is too afraid to ignore them, because, “Who knows? Something bad really may happen.”

She’s not alone, as many as one out of fifty adults suffers from various degrees of OCD.  Some people are naturally more orderly and neat, however these behaviors are a problem if they start disrupting your life. With most anxiety disorders such as OCD, acting on the intrusive thought doesn’t bring pleasure but reduces anxiety. So when do you know you’ve crossed the line?

Telling the difference between a Quirk and an Issue:

Quirk:  Making sure your closet is spotless, organized, and color-coded.
Issue:  Thinking about your closet, having to put clothes way in an exact fashion, starting over if not done correctly.

Quirk:  Checking the oven to make sure it is off more than once.
Issue:  Checking if the oven is off every time you leave house (even if you haven’t used it), the fear causing you to be late for things, or even coming back home to check.

Quirk:  Your desk is incredibly organized; everything is in its place and people often comment about how impeccable it is.
Issue:  You spend much of your workday making sure it’s organized—often putting off work to make sure everything is in its place.  You’re unable to work or complete tasks unless you feel it’s completely “right.”

The bottom line: OCD is no laughing matter—it’s a disorder that truly rules someone’s life.  Therapeutic interventions are often needed to help those who suffer.  One form of therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A proven approach, CBT incorporates anxiety reduction techniques, relaxation therapy, and thought stopping interventions.  Oftentimes, medication is used in conjunction with therapy and can be prescribed by a psychiatrist. If you think you are suffering from uncontrollable thoughts and impulsive behaviors: seek out assistance! OCD only gets worse when not treated.

anxiety, behavior, cbt, cognitive, compulsive, irrational thoughts, obsessive, ocd, psychiatrist Hide

Women today are more frazzled and overwhelmed than ever before.  For many of us being stressed has become part of our lifestyle: managing a hectic schedule, meeting deadlines at work, arguing with a significant other, or dealing with increased financial woes, all these daily stressors can have a negative affect on our health.

Stress and anxiety not only contribute to the onset of mental and physical disorders, but can cause hormonal and immune system imbalances.  Recent studies have linked high stress levels in women to infertility, accelerated aging, skin conditions, and even a higher susceptibility to STDs…none of which I’m in any hurry to acquire.

Don’t get too stressed out, , here a few ways to manage and reduce stress:

•    Express yourself.  Your mind can only handle so much so make sure you have a release valve. Journal, do something creative, talk to a trustworthy friend, make a to-do list.  The act of writing things down automatically reduces concern and helps you remember the important things.

•    Practice relaxation techniques. Therapists swear by combining deep breathing exercises with visual imagery to calm even there most anxious patients.  The combination increases oxygen to your brain which is both physiologically and psychologically calming.

•    Delegate tasks. Instead of taking on too much, which most of us are notorious for, ask for help. Recruit a co-worker to help with a project or ask your roommate to help clean- up your place when you are overwhelmed.

•    Get moving. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress.  It releases endorphins to make you feel good, plus staying active helps ward off illness.

•    Inhale. Get a calming essential oil. Lavender, sage, chamomile, peppermint, rosemary, and ylang ylang have all been shown to reduce anxiety rather quickly.   You can dab a few drops on your wrists, neck or even your pillow. Just inhaling the scents can be relaxing, plus you’ll give off a great scent.

•    Make a list of your accomplishments and positive qualities.  It may sound conceded but can be a huge confidence boost; it’s not like your bragging to anyone but yourself.  It will remind you of situations you’ve overcome which will help you navigate through tough, stressful circumstances as they come up.

•    Boost your immune system and fight stress with nutritious foods and supplements.  Find a good immunity complex at your local Whole Foods or Trader Joes, containing high amounts of Vitamins B and C; they are often inexpensive and help fight off infection in times of extreme stress.

Remember if you are overworked, worried, or stressed it will affect all aspects of your life, your health, and your relationships. Neglecting yourself now will only cause you more anxiety and health risks later.

photo by alisa ryan

anxiety, health, relax, stress, women's health Hide

Here it comes.  I can feel it again.  My breath is starting to get stuck in my chest and my finger tips are beginning to tingle.  I can predict what will happen next with eerie precision.  My finger tips will soon go numb.  My chest will feel heavy, as if a fifty pound weight has been placed on top of me.  My thoughts will begin to race and it will be hard to catch my breath.  Right after that, I’ll begin to feel confused and out of place – almost lost.  Then my stomach will ache so badly that it will bring tears to my eyes.  The energy and fear coursing through my body could give me the ability to run clear to Texas on nothing more than adrenaline.  And this would be terrific if I was running from something I needed to get away from.  But I’m not.  I’m in my car.  I’m at a dead stop, sitting in traffic, and I truly believe I’m about to die.

For a long time, I had no idea what was happening to me.  I was scared.  I felt out of control and sick to my stomach while standing in line at a store.  If I got caught in traffic, I would have a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel and gasp for air.  I spent many mornings curled up on the bathroom floor before work and a look of absolute fear would flash across my face at the mention of going to a movie.  I began to detach from friends and rarely went out.  I was happiest, and safest, sitting in my apartment with the world shut out. I was 24 years old and spent almost every waking moment consumed with obsessive worry and fear.  At a time when I should have been on top of the world, I was trying to hide under the covers.

I had just gotten married and had spent the last two years planning the wedding of my dreams. Only, most of the time I was miserable.  Besides the normal stress a bride is faced with, I had other fears and worries eating at me.  I had to take multiple trips out of state for my gown and the mere thought of a road trip sent me over the edge with terror.  Having commitments always made me feel sick to my stomach because of all the traveling and driving and my appointment book was so jam-packed, I had to stick post-it notes on the pages just to add things.  Taking trips to see vendors made me miserable and agitated.

After the wedding, my mother went into surgery and was facing a long recovery.  On the way to the hospital, I made myself so ill we had to pull the car over so I could get out and I got sick.  People began to take notice and I slowly began to shut out everything that wasn’t immediately important to my survival.  And that’s all I felt like I was doing… surviving.  Then one night everything was turned upside down.  After having successfully isolated myself from everything that scared me (and the list was long!), my husband broke down.  I had been so engulfed in myself, my fears, my worries, my problems… that I had shut my husband out too.  That night I cried.  I cried for our relationship, I cried for the life I was letting pass me by and I cried as I shared with him everything I had been going through, alone in my head, for years.

After that night, I worked up the courage to talk to a family member about what was happening to me.  She was the person who put a face to my monster.  It was anxiety, a simple word that made me cringe when I thought about it.  I didn’t know what anxiety was at the time.  I just felt lost and out of control to fight this “thing” I was dealing with.  With this person’s help, I gave a voice to the thing that plagued me most… which in turn gave me the strength to fight it.  I slowly began to learn more and more about anxiety.  I believed this issue was something outside of me, something I couldn’t control or fix.  But I was wrong.  This monster was in me.  And while at the time, that frightened me, it also saved me.  Because you can’t always control what goes on outside of you, but you do have the power to change what happens inside of you.  I had felt so weakened by my fear and by not understanding what was happening, that I believed I was too weak to change it.  Well, we’re stronger than we think!  I gave myself one year to change my life.  One year to face my fears and beat my monster.  One year.

I spent those 365 days reading every book I could get my hands on and researching anxiety on the Internet.  I was overwhelmed with the information that I found, but mostly, I was amazed to learn that I wasn’t alone.  Not even close!  The thing is that most people suffering from anxiety were just like me – scared to give it a voice.

I tried a lot of different things to combat the anxious feelings to see what worked for me.  I kept my social calendar to a minimum, then I tried to pack it out with fun things to do.  I began to write about all of my painful experiences, then switched to journaling about my journey (which is what I called this year time frame).  I took spin classes; I ran; I read books, I spent a lot of time online; I took practice drives and played with how far I could go.  I worked on pushing through the panic attacks (which I started referring to as anxious episodes) and I began to open up to people about what I was going through.  It turns out very few people knew the extent of what I was dealing with.  I became determined to keep healing and along my journey I found yoga.  I believe that yoga was the last piece of the puzzle that I needed.

I’m now 25 years old.  My one year is over, but I’m still on my journey.  I feel like I have a lot of lost time to make up for.  And while I may have lost a lot of time to worry and fear, I am thankful for everything I’ve been through.  A couple of years ago, if you would have asked me about anxiety, I would have told you I was being tortured or punished – had I even known what you were talking about.  It was my silent burden.  Now, I consider it my blessing.  I’m not the same person I used to be.  I’m strong and I have faith in myself.  I’m not scared anymore.

For 40 million adults in the U.S., this is their daily reality.  If you suffer from anxiety, know you are not alone.  Sometimes it feels that way.  But the person sitting next to you on the plane may be fighting the same fears.  I fought hard to get where I am today, and while I still may occasionally feel those familiar pangs of fear and anxiety, I feel confident in my ability to cope with them.  I developed strong coping skills based on yoga principles and I feel that yoga was the cornerstone of my recovery.  My journey isn’t over yet though, and my next step is to share what I’ve been through and what I’ve used to win my battle with anxiety.  I finally found my freedom – and now I want to help other people find theirs.

photos by tiago ribeiro, meredith farmer

anxiety, health, panic, recovery, women's health Hide