There’s something I call The Fat Dance. I developed it my senior year of college. Living on my own for the first time, I was up to my ears in looming deadlines and decisions. Instead of focusing on answers, I zeroed in on fat.  I’d stare at my tummy in the mirror, mesmerized by any minuscule gain. Hunched over, I would pinch. Pinch the tummy. Then the arms. Then the butt. It became a bad habit, soon a vicious cycle.

That was the same year I was introduced to The Beauty Myth. Naomi Wolf’s message hit my fledgling psyche like a ton of bricks: throughout our female culture we have created the myth that if we work hard enough, we will be beautiful. Ms. Wolf put names to my invisible demons: The Church of Beauty, the Secret Girl Club, Mental Anorexia. Recognizing the myth was my first step away from the mirror, and I haven’t done The Fat Dance since.

My friends and collaborators Elizabeth and Caitlin gifted me the book as a step towards generating a new play. A show that would call out the very real, and often hilarious, battle women wage against each other and themselves. Needless to say, I was inspired.

Five years, countless drafts, workshops, fundraisers and miracles later, we are opening Pretty Girls on July 3rd. Our commitment to sharing this message with other women has created a world of characters and experiences. To name a few…

Cindy is playing The Woman in White. She’s the same age as my mother and ran a marathon last year, as a present to herself. When we talk as a cast about the meaning behind Pretty Girls, Cindy is quick to represent her generation. “I grew up with women who were unsettled by dirt on the base of their toilets, who would never question putting on makeup. It’s very vulnerable to get behind The Woman in White, because her appearance is everything. And when that’s taken away…she can’t recognize herself. And I know what that feels like – the rituals of beauty are so powerful.”

We cast Sara as Maia – the beauty hypocrite – because in her audition she immediately accessed the indignation of an outsider who secretly wants nothing more than to be ‘in’. When we finished the second read through, she exclaimed, “I didn’t realize how funny Maia is…I was going for a much more serious take.” That’s the balance of presenting a political satire: there are countless sides to every person, though they may not be readily apparent. Point them out, and a standing ovation ain’t far behind.

And then there’s yours truly. When our company cast me as Miss Universe, I was quick to tell my friends, “It’s obviously a comedy! I am NOT the type.” Too true – but as I delved into the character I realized that the ambition, creativity and confidence it takes to succeed in the Beauty World isn’t far removed from my reality of day job, theatre and relationships. It’s the goals that are skewed, not the women behind them. Blame the dance, not the fat.

If you’re in the Seattle area July 3rd -11th get your tickets for Pretty Girls at www.brownpapertickets.com.

image courtesy of jay yamakawa

anorexia, beauty, beauty myth, body, drama, fat, naomi wolf, play, pretty girls, seattle, theatre Hide

I thought for sure the man had anorexia. I revved up the volume on my TV to hear what the gaunt-looking man had to say. My heart ached for him. Anyone who’s been close to someone suffering from an eating disorder knows the horribleness involved. 

“I feel great!” touted the man. “Like I could live forever.”

“And he plans to,” explained the news correspondent, “with help from CRS, the Calorie Restriction Society.”

I nearly dropped my high calorie sandwich (according to CRS) on the floor.

Before I heard the man out or conducted my own research, I wanted to shout of the diet’s illegitimacy, the harmful risks it poses to those who partake and the negative messages it sends to all.

I was also nervous. What if there was value in this lifestyle? It has, after all, been touted by Dr. Oz and Oprah. Regardless, a lifetime of starvation is not appealing to the food lover or nutritional therapist in me. Keeping in mind that I’m hyper-sensitive to these issues, I set out to research the topic with as little bias as possible.

The intended goal of CR (Calorie Restriction) is to increase longevity and wellness by consuming fewer calories. Studies have proven the diet’s efficiency amongst worms and insects and experts in CR anticipate similar results in humans.

CR encourages nutrient-rich and calorie-poor foods. (In other words, you can’t eat three donuts a day and expect to live to 120.) This notion of nutrient-dense eating is positive. It allows for bigger bang for the nutritional buck by eating a greater bulk of nutrients with fewer empty calories from sugar and refined products. I have to wonder if longevity is enhanced by improved nutrient intake, rather than the number of calories consumed.

The CR follower eats about 1 – 2,000 per day, compared to the 2 – 2,700 recommended for most adults. And the gradual weight loss on CR is 10 – 25% below one’s current set point weight (the weight your body falls around when you eat reasonably). One of the factors used to diagnose anorexia, the psychiatric disorder with the highest fatality rate, is a bodyweight of 15% below one’s healthy range. The similarity here is way too close for comfort.

Though weight loss is a supposed by-product of CR, I suspect that most follow this program for precisely this. (If it were called the “Live Longer but Weigh the Same Diet,” I doubt it would be popular.)

CRS openly speaks of potential risks such as negative appearance, decreased bone health, cold sensitively, “cushion” loss (i.e., no butt to sit on), reduced energy, hunger, infertility, decreased strength and social difficulties. Finally, CRS mentions the development of anorexia, binging or excessive food thoughts and fantasies.

Those who adhere to CR and claim they feel healthier and happier are either lucky or not well, in my opinion. I hope they are the fortunate ones who’ve found a way to eat that genuinely works for them. For the majority of others, I simply feel that life is too short to make it longer by eating in such a high-risk, extremely difficult and unpleasant manner.

photos by d sharon pruitt

anorexia, calorie restriction, calorie restriction society, calories, diet, dr. oz, eating disorder, food, health, hunger, kitchen, longer life, nutrients, Oprah, sugar, weight Hide

Dear Readers,

Just over a decade ago, I read a magazine article about a young woman suffering from an intense eating disorder. As I read her thoughts and journal entries I thought, “Oh my god, this is me.” It was the first clue to myself that I, too, had a serious problem. At the bottom of the article was a list of resources, most prominently, the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). “If you or a loved one needs help,” it read, “you aren’t alone.” I picked up the phone and called NEDA’s help line. The woman who answered was the first to hear me utter the words, “I think I have an eating disorder.” Now years of meaningful life and recovery later, I had the privilege of attending NEDA’s annual conference in Austin, Texas, on behalf of IATG.

The impact NEDA has had on my life is far from unique. The non-profit organization has helped over 50,000 individuals attain treatment. They receive over 50 million hits on their website each year. They envision a world completely free of eating disorders. NEDA’s conference is unlike any other, assisting families and all those affected by anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. This year, nearly 500 clinicians, parents, family, friends, survivors and health care educators attended the event entitled, Break the Silence: Tools for Help, Hope and Healing.

I met women who’ve recently begun recovery and those who have maintained it for 30-plus years; a college professor who lost a beloved student at the hands of anorexia; a specialty book publisher and bulimia survivor who created the first ever help hotline in the late 70’s; a father of an eating disorder survivor who has dedicated his life to activism. “We were afraid we would lose her,” he told me. “We are just so grateful; we have to give back.” Healthy-size supermodel, Emme (pictured), an ambassador on the NEDA board made several appearances, expressing her love for the work NEDA partakes in. A multitude of treatment providers, counselors and teachers who are at the heart of implementing such crucial treatment shared their insight and wisdom as well.

Like one huge, loving family, the NEDA conference attendees bonded together, united by their common goals. “It’s one of the kindest atmospheres I’ve ever been in,” noted a therapist from Seattle. (If only every crowd of women radiated so positively…)

The only downfall of the conference was my inability to meet everybody, or attend everything. Every person I came across had a remarkable story to share. Every seminar offered inspiration, resources and helpful tools.

The last event I experienced was a one-woman show, entitled “The Thin Line.” The 30-minute play, written by Cathy Plourde, illuminated what it feels like to suffer from an eating disorder in a very human way. Tears stung at my eyes as I recalled my past struggles and, more importantly, reflected on my healthy life now — working with remarkable women as an editor for IATG and as a nutritional therapist, helping others who struggled as I did. Much of my recovery is thanks to people and organizations like NEDA. The conference was an affirmation of my own healing and a source of inspiration to do more, to reach out more, to talk more, to help more, to listen more and to give more.

Susie Roman, NEDA’s Program Coordinator, tells girls to “see the change you can make in whatever community you can. You can have a voice,” she explains, “and you can make a difference.” Susie is right. On behalf of IATG, I encourage you to utilize your gifts toward dreaming big and helping others. By using our gifts to help others, we, in a sense, become those help hot-lines ourselves, creating bridges for those who struggle.

Thank you, Readers and thank you, NEDA!

Love & health,

August

If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org or call NEDA’s help hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

anorexia, binge eating disorder, break the silence, bulimia, cathy plourde, eating disorder, Emme, health, help line, iatg, national eating disorder association, NEDA, non-profit, recovery, supermodel, the thin line, women's health Hide

I was amazed by Morgan Spurlock’s dedication to journalism in his documentary Super Size Me and then I saw the documentary Super Skinny Me. The documentary had little to do with Spurlock’s documentary whose name it parodies. The one hour special which aired on BBC America this summer follows two journalists who reveal the perils of extreme dieting firsthand.

The women were challenged to go from a UK size 12 (a US 10) to a 00 (which is below a US 0) in five weeks without surgery or drugs. The women tried everything from extreme diets and exercise routines to colonics. What’s gobbling down greasy cheeseburgers compared to starving oneself? I watched these women torturing themselves just to be sallow and physically drained. The documentary was a scary account of just how far some people will go to be skinny. Though the journalists entered into the project with a different mindset than most dieters, the distinction quickly became blurred as the women got caught up in the weight-loss-obsession themselves.

The journalists, Kate Spicer and Louise Burke, are both strong-willed, level-minded career women not likely to try any of this sort of dieting on their own. Louise actually expressed unhappiness at the idea of loosing her curves early in the program. Throughout the documentary, however, both women had times when they expressed concern about not losing enough weight.

After only one week on the lemonade diet (3 liters per day of a lemonade mixture only), Kate was actually afraid to get on the scale. “How am I going to feel if I’ve gone through all this stuff and I haven’t lost any weight?” she said. She had to cheat on the diet with a few nuts to keep up her energy at work and was surprised to find that she actually felt guilty for the digression. After not losing any weight on her second week, Louise, who spent the week eating noting but watercress soup for each meal of the day, was actually disappointed. She said she could understand why people would want to take it to the next level after such frustration.

After the five weeks, Louise fit into those 00 jeans, but snugly. She showed little excitement over the slightness of her figure, but rather was relieved to be able to eat a piece of cake. The weight she inevitably put on after the weeks of dieting showed the signs of classic yo-yo dieting, which is bad for the heart and makes it likely that she will gain more weight than she lost.

Kate showed an even more extreme reaction to the weeks of dieting. After about three weeks into the challenge, Kate started binge eating, where she would uncontrollably eat everything in the house. She then played around with expelling the food she consumed, like using laxatives. She went to a psychologist who made her pull out of the challenge. The psychologist said that if she continued with her habits, she would develop full-blown bulimia. And that was from a documentary experiment! She had to undergo psychological tests before starting and she obviously passed those. In the end, she was upset to get pulled out and said she wished she would have lied to the psychologist.

If such a lifestyle can torment the mindset of women who were not particularly unhappy with their body images, I can only imagine what it does to people who really want to lose weight.

anorexia, bbc america, bulimia, diet, documentary, exercise, health, journalism, kate spice, louise burke, skinny, super size me, super skinny me, superskinny me, thin, weight, women's health, yo-yo dieting Hide

As we sit outside of the Coffee Bean in Beverly Hills, it’s hard for Adrian and I to ignore the young women walking around as Barbie dolls lookalikes, and the other surrounding girls eyeing them with envy. Meanwhile, we sit and discuss Adrian’s struggles in life and how gracefully she has overcome them. And, even though she’s just wearing her sweats and running shoes, Adrian radiates more natural beauty than any of the other girls. As she talks, her personality shines like the L.A. sun that warms our backs.

Adrian started running when she was only five years old. She became involved in track through high school and college. While running in college, she realized she didn’t know what else she wanted to do; even though she wanted to work, she didn’t know how to get started. She decided to stop running, do a little soul searching, and figure out her future. While on break from running, she ran straight into a roadblock that she said still affects her today.

After she stopped her avid running and workout schedule, she started to become more aware of her body and what she ate. While running, Adrian didn’t care what she ate because she needed the energy and calories to use on her runs. Though it started out small, (trying diets, cutting back on foods), her obsession soon became much more. Adrian’s problem elevated to the point where she would believe that eating that one piece of cheese could make her weight blow up.

Anorexia and bulimia worked themselves tightly into Adrian’s life. Adrian attributes her successful recovery to her mother’s support. Her mother, who was also her best friend, eventually sat her down and talked some sense into her. Though her mother may have acted as the catalyst, Adrian showed undeniable strength and will power in overcoming her disorder.

Adrian knew that she had to get back into running because it was the only way she could stay sane. After her struggle, she moved out to L.A. to pursue her fitness-training career. She started working at a gym with more outdoor sport offerings, like rock walls (yup, she climbs too!). She currently works as a trainer at Sports Club L.A.. Curious about this gym, I asked if she gets the vapid, wanna-be-Barbies there. She said yes. There are people who come in looking for instantly gratifying results. They come in wanting to look and feel better, but some are not willing to make the necessary life-style changes. The media, she says, affects everyone. Adrian says there are women at the gym with great, toned arms that see these size zero girls and envy them. Some women work out like fiends, to a dangerously unhealthy extent. And all of this, she believes, is in the hands of the media, and everyone who buys into the media’s beauty image.

So to avoid the superficial mindset around her, Adrian runs. She runs marathons and triathlons and trains her butt off for both. Her most recent marathon was the world famous Boston Marathon, which has been around since 1887. This race is the 2nd most popular sporting event world wide, just behind the Olympics. Adrian qualified for it with her first race time, which is a very difficult thing to do. What’s the hardest thing about this race? Not only is it 26.2 miles, but the last few miles are all hills, including the fear-worthy “heart-break hill.” Adrian said she saw people literally dropping while running up the hill. I asked in awe how she managed to get up that killer hill. Simple. She just told herself to keep going.

It was her self-trust that took her to the end, but it took a lot of preparation to get there, including three months of specific training. She will continue with her triathlons until the Saint Georges Marathon, where she hopes to have shaved at least 15 min. off her Boston Marathon time (3hr. 42min). Her ultimate goal is 2hr. and 45 min, the time needed to qualify for the Olympics. She told me to look for her in the 2012 Olympics and I definitely believe she’ll be there. With her strong goals, self-trust, and stunning personality, I know Adrian will go further than around a track, or up over a hill; she will run into a successful and fulfilling life.

adrian wegeng, anorexia, body image, boston, bulimia, health, marathon, running, workout Hide