Country First, Family Second
by Ashley Sepanski

Image courtesy of Roadmatics.wordpress.com

We are all familiar with the incredible demands of military service. The men and women who survive training and beyond are symbols of all America stands for. Their awesome amount of sacrifice and dedication is mind-blowing. As television, and I expect personal experience for some, has shown, all family members or friends with ties to these soldiers are filled with immense pride and awe.

Unfortunately, the heart-warming scene of a mother, father, sister and brother embracing with wide smiles as they wave goodbye to their loved ones doesn’t always hold true. The ugly side of war is not a new concept, and neither is the ugly side (or rather lack) of support. Have you ever met someone ashamed of a person who decided to join the military?

Ashamed may be a strong word, but Liz Messenger has found herself struggling with her brother’s choice to join the army for the past 15 months. When money for college lured her brother into service, Liz tried to be proud. He was doing a great thing, right? Time has led Liz to believe that’s not the case.

As children, Liz and Matt were inseparable. Even when the two went off to different colleges, they saw each other every other week. When a tight budget dried up college funds for the both of them, Liz turned to loans, Matt turned to the army. Now, Liz is lucky to see her brother every three or four months.

Liz said sacrificing time with her brother would be easier if she could believe in the cause of the problem. But what was there for her to believe in?

“Everyone is always telling me what a great thing he’s doing and what great lessons he’ll learn,” Liz said. “The truth is he never needed to learn any serious lessons in the first place. He was already a good person. He needed money, and now he’s sold his life away.”

Since Matt first joined the army last year, he’s risen through the ranks and could soon be named an officer, a position that would require even more time from the 22-year-old. Sadly for Liz, Matt’s mind is made-up.

“He actually likes the army, which I guess I should be happy about too, but I don’t know how to feel,” Liz said. “I feel like I can’t support something he did for money, something that’s left a hole in our family.”

If offered a chance to be an officer, Matt plans to take it. Liz said she’ll find a way to cope, but isn’t sure she can let go of the anger. The relationship between the two has suffered, but Liz hopes someday they can get back to where they once were.

“He’s my brother and my best friend,” she said. “I love him. Even though I can’t say I like or accept his decision, I’ll never stop supporting him the best way I can.”

army, Ashley Sepanski, family, military, siblings, war