Archive April 2009

Transitioning from classroom to cubicle is no small feat; there are resumes to be updated, contacts to be followed and interviewers to dazzle—and that’s all before you even get the job. In Working World 101: The New Grad’s Guide to Getting a Job, authors Bridget Graham and Monique Reidy provide insight and give tips to help navigate the working world waters.

iatg: What makes your book different than other “career guides”?

Reidy: Ours isn’t just for finding a job—there’s a real emphasis on communication style. Any old book can tell you how to write a resume, but once you get in and have an audience [interviewer], what really makes or breaks it is how you conduct yourself as a professional.

Graham:The inspiration came from being in class with students and knowing I
had years of HR experience and communication knowledge that I really wanted to share with those who were about to start their career.

iatg: So what makes a good pep talk before an interview?

Graham:  Think of three people who absolutely, positively love you. Then have the confidence of thinking of those good qualities they love about you … Use that confidence in your interview.

Reidy: And it’s important to know that you will get rejected—but it’s never a failure. It’s all part of a lesson. Maybe the first interview isn’t so great but that’s okay because you can use it for the next time. Right out of college, don’t set your sights too high or too low. Never say you won’t try.

iatg: What’s the best career advice you’ve received?

Reidy: Do something you feel passionate about.

Graham: Do your best, even if you don’t like the job you’re doing. If you do a good job in a position that you don’t really want, most superiors will look at you and think, “If you’re doing that good at something you don’t like, imagine how good you’ll do with something that you do like.”

iatg: What part of the book are you proudest of?

Reidy: We had so many successful businesspeople share their experiences so we were able to include their strengths and weaknesses. It’s helpful to read about what executives look for when they see how you present yourself, perform and speak.

iatg: What should you do everyday to get closer to landing your dream job?

Graham: Make sure you keep in contact with people and check out job sites. Also, spread the news that you’re looking for a job. Never be embarrassed to let people know. In this economy, you need to stay positive but also do the work. Send your resume, network constantly and understand that everything is a stepping-stone.

Reidy: Be patient. You’ll eventually get to where you want to go. Carry yourself professionally and be patient, and you’ll definitely reach your goals.

* Graham is finishing her master’s degree in communications at Pepperdine University

More information and purchasing details for “Working World 101: The New Grad’s Guide to Getting a Job” can be found at www.workingworld101.com.

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It’s month three of my online dating and as I sail through the ‘Net, I’m feeling a lot more poised at the helm. I still encounter the occasional iceberg, but with seasoned sea legs and a more trained eye, it’s easier to steer clear of dangerous waters.

If you’re a landlubber diving into online dating, here are some tips to help navigate the sea of prospects …

Full Speed Ahead:

•    He actually thought about his profile. One Mr. Maybe said that he was looking for a girl who “doesn’t count the carbs in her beer but knows where her salad fork is.” Using specifics to describe an overall quality, like valuing one’s health, shows thoughtfulness and maturity.
•    He shows and tells. Anyone can be spontaneous on paper, but if he mentions the time he wound up backstage during a rained-out concert, you know he’s more than just talk.

Test The Waters:

•    His profile reads like a resume. He doesn’t quote your favorite film or share your love for Labradors, but you’re intrigued by his passion for ethnic food and dream vacation spot. Send him an email to see if he opens up.
•    He’s funny, but maybe too funny. “Hurryimbalding” had me laughing from the start—he was sarcastic, claimed to be a mac and cheese maestro and his pictures verified a full head of hair. But when we met for coffee, I found a soft-spoken guy who barely made eye contact. Making sure I hadn’t confused Hurry with another match, I joked about Kraft versus Velveeta Shells; when he didn’t seem to get it, I reminded him of his profile. “Oh,” he mumbled. “My roommate actually wrote that …” I excused myself on the basis of false advertising.
•    You can see what he likes, but can’t see him. Pics that show your match in exotic places, doing extreme sports or with a bunch of friends can be tempting. But stop and ask yourself why, out of a handful of images, none show his face? It may be worth meeting in person—that is, if you can ID him.


Abandon Ship:

•    What he’s looking for is more exact than an algorithm.
•    He’s just not that into it. A particularly vague profile could mean that he is ambivalent toward dating in general—and who wants a lukewarm love when you can have red-hot romance?
•    His favorite things are beer, bros and barhopping.
•    He gets too up close and personal. One prospect stated on his profile that he believes “sex is only true way to get to know someone.” Really?!?
•    He posted pics in a bathing suit, or worse yet, in his underwear. Mayday!

While the “Abandon Ship” bullets are general red flags to keep an eye out for, remember that everyone’s emergency manual will read differently. Keep some cliff notes that remind you of specific traits that you’re looking for in a match, and your search should go swimmingly. Trust your instinct, carry a spare life jacket, and bon voyage!

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Once upon a time in Hollywood, one of the few roles a woman could play behind-the-scenes was Script Supervisor (then aptly called “Script Girl”). She was responsible for taking notes and ensuring the actors delivered the correct lines while the camera rolled. The director was the one in the power position, and basically the only place for a woman was to be his assistant. Though Hollywood had come a long way by the time, now-acclaimed sitcom director, when Pamela Fryman burst onto the scene, it still had quite a way to go. Fryman, though, is doing her part to pave the way.

Fryman broke barriers in the early nineties when she started her directorial career on the NBC soap opera, Santa Barbara, and quickly picked up two Daytime Emmy Awards for her work. Later she moved onto comedies like Friends, Just Shoot Me, and Frasier (the latter two for which she was nominated for DGA Awards).

“I started in a field that was notoriously tough,” Fryman explained. “Not just for women but in general. And I knew that it wasn’t enough to love what you do…you have to ride that line between being a boss but also being a friend: you have to connect but still make it known you are to be respected.”

Fryman manages to make this seem effortless. “Pam is phenomenal about being able to just roll with whatever is thrown at her,” How I Met Your Mother star Neil Patrick Harris spoke of his producer and director at an Academy of Television Arts & Sciences panel back in January. “She is innovative and can think on her feet with the best of them. Sometimes we’ll shoot a whole scene from one angle, and she’ll be inspired to just throw the camera up there and take an image that has never before been seen on our show. She continues to push the envelope and push us to be even better.”

In fact, Fryman’s impact has been so strongly felt among that cast and crew that creator, Carter Bays, only half-joked at the same panel that “she’s the real mother of our story!” Though many similar shows rely on a revolving door of directors, this show has been operating under Fryman since its pilot episode, and her influence can be felt on every second of each week’s twenty-two minutes. “We are lucky to have found her,” co-creator Craig Thomas added. “She makes everyone feel that they’ve been heard, and that is invaluable in this business.”

Fryman has admitted that her auteurship was something she worked really hard to hone rather than something that came innately to her. “I am really grateful for Peter [Noah] and Jimmy [Burrows]; they saw something in me…at a time when I didn’t even know what directing was!” Fryman may have had mostly men who came before her to look up to, but her creativity, persistence, and desire to kick in doors rather than just knock softly are all ensuring that she will change that for the female directors of the future.

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Ever been soooo into your new beau, and you just can’t seem to get enough of each other, and when you finally surface for air you realize *poof* all you friends have disappeared? You’ve stumbled into the tangled mess of an overly dependent, or “enmeshed” relationship.

Tiff was a great friend in college and early in our careers. She was the one who always called first on my birthday—the friend who never missed anything.  Then, about a year ago, she began dating Joey.  Slowly I started to hear less from her, as did most of our mutual friends.  Whenever she called, it would be all about her and Joey. She missed my birthday because Joey had a lacrosse game. She forgot to call her mom for a week. She had been so busy preparing for Joey’s surprise party that her mom called me asking if I had heard from her.

Tiff and Joey were no longer separate entities but a fused couple.

Experts agree that when individuals become overly dependent on one another it’s not a healthy relationship. Partners should have separate interests, the ability to maintain healthy relationships with friends and family independent of their partner, and, most importantly, each person is a whole, not using each other to create a feeling of being whole.

Overdependence in relationships has become more common. I am sure you know a few girlfriends who graduated college, got in a relationship, and before you knew it were completely different people. When people have trust issues, difficulty establishing healthy boundaries, or are dealing with major transitions, they tend to gravitate towards others who can fulfill those needs. These people often hold the same needs to be wanted and loved unconditionally, but don’t know how to do this without the “all or nothing mentality” of an enmeshed relationship.

Before you end up bound and gagged, here are some red flags:
•    Friends and family tell you your relationship isn’t healthy, but you ignore them.
•    You “can’t get through the day” unless you talk to your significant other.
•    You argue if your feelings and opinions aren’t the same.
•    You’ve lost contact with previously good friends and family.
•    They must meet your emotional needs in order for you to feel complete.
•    You share an email/Facebook/Twitter account.
•    You’re unhappy when you are not with the other person.
•    Your call/text message log is more than 75% from (or to) your significant other.
•    You’re unable to function socially when they’re not available.

Upset, Tiff contacted me a few weeks ago.  One of her best friends from college was getting married, and she had no idea until she saw it on Facebook.  “I mean we were such good friends I can’t believe I wasn’t even invited, let alone a bridesmaid!”  She said.

“You’re right. You were good friends,”  I responded. “But now who are your friends?  I mean you can’t expect to be in a wedding if you haven’t paid attention to your friends in years!  Relationships, just like friendships, are reciprocal, at least the healthy ones are.”

photo by david blaikie

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You don’t have to be a fan of modern dance to understand the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater (AAADT). According to Judith Jamison, the Artistic Director, you just have to be human.

“The first thing you do when you’re born is what?” asks Jamison. “You open your mouth first and wave those little chords in the air to make sure people know you’re alive. And you’re breathing, those lungs are moving. Everything is moving. It’s within us to move.”

AAADT celebrated movement and connection with its 50th anniversary last year, where Jamison also announced she will be retiring in 2011. The world eagerly awaits her announcement of a predecessor. “I’m looking for someone with great intelligence and great nerve – someone who understands the tradition of the company, but makes choices as an individual. That’s what I did. I couldn’t imitate Alvin (Ailey). All I could do was follow the road map.”

That map laid out AAADT’s mission to bring African American culture to the world. Ailey always believed that dance came from the people, and should be delivered back to the people. She began dancing at the age of 10, training in classical ballet, though her passionate style and muscular figure contradicted the ballerina’s wiry ideal. In 1965, Jamison joined AAADT as a dancer and found international stardom with the company for the next fifteen years; she took over the company in 1989.

Among the most notable of Jamison’s roles is Cry (1971), a 15-minute tour-de-force solo. Dedicated to women everywhere, Cry brilliantly conveys every emotion, role, and contradiction associated with womanhood. In her autobiography Dancing Spirit, Jamison writes, “Exactly where the woman is going through the ballet’s three sections was never explained to me by Alvin. In my interpretation, she represented those women before her who came from the hardships of slavery, through the pain of losing loved ones, through overcoming extraordinary depressions and tribulations. Coming out of a world of pain and trouble, she has found her way – and triumphed.”

Under Jamison’s leadership, AAADT expanded dramatically with developments like the Women’s Choreography Initiative, performances at two Olympic Games, and a historic run in South Africa that ended the cultural boycott of the old apartheid government. Jamison also established a B.F.A. program with Fordham University. As an advocate for arts education, Jamison is committed to advancing programs that bring dance into the community and introduce children to the arts. She is a firm proponent of the power of dance to reach across cultural divides and connect the otherwise-separated.

“[AAADT is] here to celebrate the idea of what the human body can do and how far it can reach into your soul and make you feel differently about yourself. Make you feel good. Make you feel, period,” Jamison proclaims. “Alvin was always about our being recognized – as beautiful, important, distinct, absolutely talented, brilliant people. And, in doing that, it opened a world to who we are as human beings. Everything we do is about giving back to this world. And if we can do it through talent, through movement, through dance, then we are all the more blessed for it.”

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It is no surprise that weight gain leads to chronic disease. It is commonly accepted fact that obesity is directly related to diabetes, cardiovascular disease and many other physical as well as psychological complications.

There is certain fat, however, that is more dangerous than others — and it is called visceral fat. Also known as intra abdominal fat, less-than-flattering slang terms for this type of fat include pot or beer belly, muffin top and apple shaped.

There are two types of fat — subcutaneous and visceral. Subcutaneous is the type of fat located directly under the skin. Visceral fat is actually deeply embedded surrounding the organs. Metabolized by the liver, visceral fat is then turned into cholesterol that goes into the blood stream. This cholesterol, LDL (Low Density Lipoprotein), typically known as “bad” cholesterol, is a wax-like build up that constricts the arteries. The complications range from heart disease, hypertension, insulin resistance possibly resulting in diabetes and even metabolism problems.

The leading causes of visceral fat include genetics, environment (think eating habits and sedentary lifestyles) and prescription drugs that cause weight gain. If your diet is high in saturated fat (i.e. butter, fat from meat), your daily calories consist of 30% fat intake and you consume more than you expend (energy in vs. energy out), then typically you have a higher chance of gaining and sustaining visceral fat. Post-menopausal women have a larger percentage of the pesky fat due to the estrogen decline in the ovaries, where fat gets transferred from the buttocks, thighs and hips to the midsection.

A person with a healthy body mass index or, BMI, can still have some visceral fat leading to health complications. Someone with extra fat around the midsection should be concerned, but the only true way to detect visceral fat is by getting an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging).

A combination of a healthy diet and moderate to intense exercising can prevent visceral fat from forming. To reduce accumulation, walk briskly for 30 minutes a day, six days a week. For the reduction and reversal of visceral fat, increasing duration and intensity of exercise is recommended along with a proper diet. Spot exercising such as engaging in crunches will not help reduce the fat, but the reps will help build muscle.

It is important to be consciously aware of the choices you make when it comes to your health and to have intimate knowledge about your family background. By understanding if you have a predisposition to weight gain or chronic disease, you are better able to discern if there is an immediate need to take preventative steps. Knowledge is power and only you have the power to change your destiny and your midsection.

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If you’re planning to travel this summer, consider embarking on a volunteer vacation. Whether you hope to stay in the States or head abroad, programs are popping up all over that offer the opportunity to fulfill your wanderlust while contributing to humanitarian and environmental causes.

Many service excursions are structured to be all-inclusive and accommodate their participants, often at a high cost to the organization. Vacations usually include a place to stay, meals and transportation throughout your trip, the coordination of volunteer placement according to your goals — not to mention training as well as ensuring your comfort and safety. So, it’s no surprise that most volunteer vacations can actually be expensive, as groups pass the cost along to the volunteer. There are projects out there, however, offering lodging deals and discounts for a little beach clean-up or hiking trail repair.

To find a trip that best matches your altruistic tendencies and your budget, check out these select organizations:

Build. Take a Global Village trip and contribute to the building of a home, a community and new beginning for those in need — all while immersing yourself in the local culture of the urban or rural location of your choice. http://www.habitat.org/

Strengthen. Receive college credit or arrange a customized group experience to aid in the empowerment of individuals and communities through Amizade.  http://www.amizade.org/

Discover. The Bob Marshall Wilderness Foundation will put you to work for a day or a week on the trails of Montana where you will hike, explore and learn the skills necessary to manipulate the backcountry scenery along the Continental Divide.  http://www.bmwf.org/

Grow. Work on an organic farm from North America to the Middle East in exchange for lodging, meals and the opportunity to learn about farming, gardening and sustainable living.  http://wwoof.org/

Teach. For less of a tourist vacation and more of a true humanitarian expedition, work with the villagers of Nepal, Kenya, Mexico, Guatemala or Bolivia to end poverty by leading and connecting them with important resources and skills.  http://choicehumanitarian.org/

Even though you’ll be working instead of just relaxing, your soul will feel revived after giving back.

photo by dirk’s photography

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You’re either in it, or you’re not. And if you’re in it, then it’s a veritable black hole of platonic interactions and nearly there interludes. I’m talking about the friend zone – the inescapable territory for nice guys and girls everywhere.

People are either friends for life or romantic prospects and, once set, those definitions are nigh impossible to escape. If you haven’t been held back by the friend label, then you’ve probably tried to enforce that barrier on someone else. Regardless of which side of the line you’re on, negotiating that boundary is always awkward and often complicated. So to ease the stress, here are some tips to lead you through the treacherous track.

SCENARIO 1: A total hottie comes to be part of your circle of friends, but the vibe between you is more friendly banter than flying sparks.

DO ask for some one-on-one time. Suggest something innocuous like coffee or lunch where you can be comfortable yet intimate. See if that cutie lives up to your expectations and if there’s potential for something more than friendship.

DON’T plan a candle-lit dinner. Go slow, or risk appearing too intense. Another no-no: getting drunk to loosen up around your crush. Slurring is always a turn-off, and you’ll just come off as unattractive and immature.

SCENARIO 2: Congrats! You’ve met that special someone. Too bad it’s your long-time friend who looks at you like a sister.

DO assess your emotions, and determine if they’re worth the gamble – disclosing your feelings might add undue tension. But if you must, do so gently in a casual setting. The truth goes a long way. And at the very least, your friend will be flattered to know you care.

DON’T blindside your friend with an over-the-top confession. Make the reveal as comfortable as it can be. But remember to be kind to yourself, too. Don’t bottle up your feelings just because you want to preserve the friendship. You never know what could happen if you never try.

SCENARIO 3: Your dating drought finally ends with an invitation to dinner. You’d be more excited if it wasn’t from a friend of a friend for whom you have no interest.

DO be open. One date won’t hurt, and your suitor might surprise you. But if you’re sure it’s strictly friendly, be polite with a definite no. There’s nothing worse than unintentionally leading someone on just because you’re trying to be nice to a friend’s friend.

DON’T act embarrassed after declining. Keep the rapport pleasant since you’re bound to see each other again when hanging out with your mutual buddy.

SCENARIO 4: Your BFF makes a move on you after 10+ years of friendship. You like things the way they are, but you don’t want to strain the relationship.

DO be honest. You owe your best friend the truth, even though it may be tough to hear. And give your friend time afterward, if needed, to cope with the refusal. Rejection is difficult, especially when it comes from someone so dear.

DON’T freak out. Though easier said than done, remaining calm and as un-awkward as possible will save your friend some face. Don’t ignore the situation either. It will only aggravate your relationship with that person in the future.

photo by ana kunst

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When it comes to dressing for an interview, professional attire is often equated with the typical business suit. Depending on the job you’re applying for, however, an appropriate interview outfit doesn’t need to be that basic. In our current economic state, first impressions are everything and letting your clothes speak for your capabilities may help you stand out from competitors. Here are some ideas on how to dress appropriately to land the job:

Dress Code: Creative
Job: A fun atmosphere where creativity and professionalism collide. Examples include an art gallery, museum, graphics department or architecture firm.
What to Wear:
•    Something professional but relaxed, with a pop of color and without too much clutter. A couple of colorful accessories are a great addition — just don’t go overboard.
•    A vivid blazer over a white dress (hitting at the knee), subtle pumps and an oversized bag.
•    A statement jacket, a pair of wide-leg trousers and a solid-colored feminine blouse.

Dress Code: All Business

Job: A highly professional atmosphere found at big corporations, marketing or law firms.
What to Wear:
•    A mismatched suit comprised of a brightly colored blazer and white blouse atop a neutral pair of trousers.
•    A skirt suit with a tailored jacket and pencil skirt, landing at the knee. Look for skirt suits with modern details like covered buttons or a retro collar.
•    An A-line dress that hits at or below the knee topped with a long coat (slightly shorter than the dress), paired with medium height pumps.

The Do’s and Don’ts
Whether you’re going for a strictly business or creative look, some general rules to follow:

•    Always wear a jacket
•    Keep the heels medium in height or lower
•    Make sure skirts or dresses hit at or below the knee
•    Carry a handbag that can double as a briefcase

Items you should definitely steer clear of sporting to any interview:

•    Flip-flops
•    Anything strapless
•    Denim
•    Deep Cleavage
•    Miniskirts
•    Sheer anything
•    Something wrinkled
•    A blouse that caps between the buttons
•    Strong perfume or heavy makeup
•    Evening shoes (open-toed, high heeled or strappy)

Build an Interview Wardrobe
Let’s face it — none of us get hired the first time around and several companies may require multiple interviews. In these situations, one interview outfit simply won’t do. To get the most bang for your buck, invest in items you can mix and match for a different look:

•    A black shift dress (can be worn with a blazer, long coat or sweater)
•    A pencil skirt in a neutral color and one in a fun print
•    A blazer in a basic color and one in a bright color
•    A pair of neutral-colored, wide leg trousers (black, navy or tan)

These items will provide endless combinations that can be worn even after you land that dream job!

photo by dorkas photos

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As a company, our philanthropic branch, That Girl Goes Global (TG3) teamed up with the boys who founded Invisible Children to support their efforts in freeing the child soldiers in Uganda. We have three days to ensure that their worldwide awareness campaign is a success, including scheduling celebrities/ governmental officials to show up in every one of our 100 designated locations. I was flown to DC a few days ago to join the boys and lobby with Senators and Congressman on Capitol Hill. The life altering, surreal, exhausting yet exhilarating experience has gone something like this:

Day One: Fly into DC from Los Angeles (an 8-hour travel day with a two hour layover in Chicago). Sprint off the flight to meet the boys and several “people of influence” (aka celebs and high ranking DC power hitters for dinner and drinks). In between conversations, we take bathroom breaks to text, call, email people about the upcoming event. After a 14 hour day, we cab it home and walk into a foreign, dark apartment, where I exhaustively throw my body in my designated bed and fell asleep.

Day Two: Wake up with “The Crew” (aka six of us all crashing in one of the nicest apartment I’ve ever seen). The Crew consists of two of the founders: Bobby Bailey and Laren Poole. Two other, vital IC staff members Jedadiah Jenkis and Adam Finck as well as little Miss Kristen Bell, a beautiful, Hollywood starlet. Morning introductions and a Starbucks run later, we head to “The Hill” and then have meeting after meeting with Senators and Congressmen for nearly 8 hours straight. Immediately after our last meeting, we jet to a private screening of the boys’ documentary and rush off to yet another dinner requiring the rubbing of elbows with people far more important than we are. We cab it home again, almost all of us falling asleep in the car, and drag our bodies upstairs where the boys proceeded to work until 3:30am. K-Bell and I fall asleep around one, after literally soaking our feet in a hot bathtub (a requirement after being in high heels for a 16 hour day).

Day Three: Wake up, make the gang breakfast since yesterday we went most of the day without eating anything. The six of us slip into our church-going clothes, hop in a taxi, and head to the State department for another screening of the Invisible Children documentary. More governmental officials and are now cooped up in our luxury apartment (loaned to us by a friend) and are all on our computers and cell phones doing anything and everything to ensure that at least 150,000 people show up around the world tomorrow, to rally for our cause. Naturally, not stressful at all.

Highlights of the trip so far: Well, first, we’re just fighting to change the world, no big deal. Second, we actually had a meeting in the West Wing of the White House yesterday with one of Barack’s chief advisers (admittedly one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced). I’ve now witnessed the ability of normal boys to significantly sway the United States agenda first hand; I’ve waltzed with some of our country’s most influential people and candidly seen just what it takes to relentlessly pursue your passion. Not to mention I have watched “acquaintances” quickly blossom into magnificent friendships with the five people I have lived, eaten, slept, and worked with non-stop for the past several days.

Take Aways: What I’ve learned when it comes to making a difference, I don’t care how tired you get, I don’t care how many obstacles there are, or how long that dark tunnel appears… anything worth anything is worth everything. We’re on a count down, 13 hours, 8 minutes and 22 seconds before these boys try and pull off one of the most ambitious, awareness events I could possibly fathom.

As I look around the room before me, their heads down, mesmerized by their computers and last minute details, I sit here in awe of these boys. No sleep. No food. No breaks. No quitting. No excuses.

Tomorrow they will be rewarded for their hard work. Tomorrow will prove everything went right. Tomorrow will inspire millions more to get on board. But today is not tomorrow and today it’s go time. As my dad would say, “Finish strong.”


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