My friends found out I was flying home to Texas (home) for my big 25th birthday and it didn’t stop them from throwing me an incredible party the night before I left. Now it’s kind of funny the older you get because I find it becomes less about the party and more about the friends who are there to celebrate it with you! Kind of like Christmas when you get older, less about getting the present and more about giving them. Either way, one of my girl friends offered to host a dinner party at her house and it could not have been more perfect. Rarely do we take the time to really look around a room and feel that every single person is there just because of you. I felt that as I looked around at new friends, old friends… but all precious to me and all playing a significant role in my life.

I think it’s one thing to realize how lucky we are but another to relay that message of appreciation to the people we love the most. I took the opportunity to tell everyone in the room how grateful I was for them and how I am the woman I am because of the faces in that room. Friends, I’ve been told, are the family we get to choose. My friends, especially since I moved to LA, truly are my family. They are not just my best friends, they are my brothers and sisters and I could not be more honored to call them mine.

After a fancy dinner prepared by my best friends consisting of  watermelon/mint/feta cheese salad, bow-tie pasta and a potato/shrimp dish (ooh-la-la), I enjoyed a few too many cupcakes and opened my presents. It was perfect, to say the least. I kind of joke about it, but I kind of mean it.  25 will be my Golden Year, I just have a feeling. What a better way to welcome in the year while celebrating not my birthday, but my friendships. The women in my life are phenomenal, impeccable, passionate, inspiring women and the people I have come to surround myself with are the caliber of person I hope to become. It’s true when they say, you are judged by the company you keep… more true is, if you want to know what you will become just take a look at your friends around you.

Ladies, WHO you CHOOSE to surround yourself with, will ultimately determine the kind of person you turn out to be… so choose wisely. I know that if I turn out to be like the women I surround myself with… I’m going to be one hell of a woman!

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Nujood Ali is ten years old and divorced. Most girls in America will never have to fear this happening to them, yet it is something that young girls are experiencing all over the world. According to the International Center for Research on Women, more than 100 million girls under the age of 18 will be married off in the next decade if trends continue.

Child brides are not often talked about, but as women, we ought to be aware of the experiences of women worldwide. In February, Nujood, a Yemeni girl who likes playing hide-and-seek and tug-of-war with her family and friends, was sold by her parents to Faez Ali Thamer, a man in his mid-thirties, as a bride. Although her parents deny taking money from Faez for their marriage arrangement, most of Nujood’s community doubts this.

The International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) reports that child marriage is undeniably connected to poverty.  Statistics for child marriage in America pale in comparison to the rates in impoverished countries, though it still occurs.  The practice is most prevalent in developing countries and in communities with few economic resources.  Girls like Nujood are treated as commodities and as a result lose control of their lives.

After enduring physical and mental abuse from her husband, Nujood went to her parents, but because of cultural customs, they were unable to help her. It was Nujood’s aunt who advised Nujood to go to court by herself, and so she did. There, she was found by the judge who eventually granted her a divorce and put her in touch with Shada Nasser, who agreed to take Nujood’s case. Nasser, who is a leading women’s rights activist and lawyer in Yemen, took Nujood into her home and together these brave women accomplished what Nujood was told was impossible—they got her a divorce.

“We know a lot about the consequences of child marriage—from reinforcing cycles of poverty, to ending a girl’s education, to greater risk of suffering from domestic violence, to greater risk of range of  health problems resulting from early pregnancy,” says Kathleen Selvaggio, the Senior Policy Advocate of the ICRW.  The ICRW believes that ending child marriage must be a priority in the global effort to end violence against women.

For girls who are unable to escape from such a situation, the odds of them realizing their full potential as young women are extremely low.  In addition to losing authority over their futures, these girls are losing their childhoods, something which can never be reversed.  Nujood, who is looking forward to beginning the third grade, now has dreams of becoming a lawyer like Shada.  “I want to defend oppressed people,” she told the Los Angeles Times.  “I want to be an example for all the other girls.”  Every girl should have the freedom to have such a dream.

No child should have to fear that they will be sold, that their lives will be decided by others. If you want to know more about this and other important women’s rights issues, visit the International Center for Research on Women at www.icrw.org.

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One of our favorite Hollywood couples has decided to get hitched! But there is something incredibly unique about these upcoming nuptials and it isn’t a one of a kind designer dress or a million dollar menu (though I’m sure those will be part of the affair). It is the fact that before June 16th of this year it could never have legally happened.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi, a successful actress, met in 2004. They are known for their low key, under the radar romance. Ellen proposed to her girlfriend with a pink diamond engagement ring by Neil Lane days after the new California marriage legislation. On May 16th, with an emotional De Rossi in Ellen’s audience, the couple received a standing ovation after announcing they would wed.

The warm reception from DeGeneres supporters is not something to be taken for granted. Still considered a cultural taboo in the majority of America, gay marriage is only acknowledged in two of our fifty states. After the 4-3 decision made by California’s Supreme Court same sex couples are granted the same rights as “bride” and “groom” marriages. This applies to matters such as taxes, insurance, and inheritance. Unlike Massachusetts, California doesn’t require the individuals to be residents of the state. This is expected to greatly affect California’s economy as an estimated 68,000 couples living in other states are anticipated to file for their marriage licenses in California.

Eleven years ago this April, DeGeneres came out to America. Risking her personal well-being as well as her career, a beautiful and unexpected thing happened – the country embraced her.  The couple is optimistic the country will respect the ruling. They hope people will not pay credence to the religious and social conservatives hoping to undo it with an amendment on ballots in November.

Ellen was quoted as saying, “How do I feel about it? I obviously feel like it’s long overdue. I think someday people will look back on this like women not having the right to vote, and segregation, and anything else that seems ridiculous that we don’t all have the same rights.” Portia agreed, “Love is the most personal of human emotions. I am deeply grateful to the state of California for allowing all of its citizens the right to express their love equally under the law.”

Though the couple has yet to confirm a date, the wedding is said to be taking place in June. When asked about specific plans, DeGeneres would only say she and De Rossi are planning their dream wedding. Says DeGeneres, “She’s taught me lessons about myself, and I feel like I’ve taught her. We’ve both changed and grown, and we just feel like, ‘Oh, ok, this is completion’.” Congratulations to the couple!

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The Jock.  The Nerd.  The Rebel.  The Princess.  Who were you?  Imagine Mean Girls or Laguna Beach with an honest voice and without all that soap opera-ish drama.  The sensation at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival features a different label – The Average.  Nanette Burstein’s documentary, American Teen, follows the lives of four teenagers during their last year of high school.  It invites you to relate to one clique and then allows you to reevaluate your perspective on the others.

Considered “The Breakfast Club” of our generation, the film features typical American teens in the typical American town in Warsaw, Indiana.  The premise of the four teens is introduced in quick succession.  Colin Clemens is the basketball star placing him “second in Warsaw, next only to Jesus.”  Jake Tusing is the video game nerd who relentlessly pursues his next girlfriend.  Hannah Bailey is the artistic free spirit who dreams of college as her ticket out of Indiana.  Finally, Megan Krizmanich is the wealthy and popular Queen Bee whose intense extracurricular involvement and need to fulfill a Notre Dame legacy prompts cruel and selfish behavior.

The film’s premise lures viewers to relate to a character and place themselves within their own past (or current) high school clique.  An invisible social barrier is built around each character and with the exception of one painfully awkward party scene, the main characters are not seen interacting with one another.  The film reveals incredible depth within each character, displaying their lives as multidimensional and combating the expectation of a typical American teen.  The basketball star is pressured to impress college recruiters and earn a scholarship – or else is headed to the army.  The free-spirited rebel copes with a severe depression and misses so many classes she may not graduate.  The film’s honest exploration of the average teen resonates beyond the stereotypical expectations of social tiers and portrays an understanding between individual people.

Although the documentary reveals incredible depth and understanding, it stops short at tying everything into neat, little packages.  Perhaps it is the confessional documentary style but the teens seem overtly self-actualized.  What they say is exactly what they do, and the causes of their actions are direct results of explicit explanations.  The sense of raw life that would enhance the overall film is touched upon briefly with Hannah’s depression and her severe anxieties.  However, it is just cut short of being gut-wrenchingly deep.

The film resonates a feeling of authenticity and sincerity.  One of the most innovative and imaginative aspects of the documentary is the use of illustration to visually portray hopes, dreams, and anxieties.  The teens speak candidly and honestly to each other and to the camera.  The inconsistencies (such as Jake’s disappearing and reappearing acne and the occasional flash of a wireless mic) are kept to a minimum.  While production interference is questionable for some reality shows, the film displays an authentic feeling of a documentary. It serves as an invisible yet insightful eye into the lives of the typical American teen.

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Bravo TV’s Top Chef has announced its first female winner in its four seasons, Stephanie Izard. I must admit, I hate writing that sentence – not because I don’t think Stephanie deserves it (on the contrary, I supported her from the beginning), but because I don’t like attributing her win to the entire female sex. Stephanie’s victory is a win for her alone. The emphasis on Stephanie as the first female winner trivializes her achievement.

Top Chef is a reality show competition where chefs are given cooking challenges and, each week, are eliminated based on their culinary creations. The last chef standing becomes the Top Chef. Though many women made it far into the competition in past seasons, no women had ever won before now.

Is this male winning streak relevant? Not if we don’t make it significant. When the competition comes down to a few deserving chefs (both male and female), and a winner is picked based on one dish, their sex should be unimportant.

The problem is that the network and its audience played up the previous “male winning streak” and gave it significance. Before the season aired, I saw a commercial asking viewers to text in their opinion on the likelihood of a female winner. I am not sure which was more upsetting – the commercial itself, or the fact that a majority of viewers bought into the craze. They voted the situation would be unlikely.  (Obviously, they were wrong.)

The lack of a female winner almost became a joke on the network, which is both unfair to Stephanie and to women everywhere. This emphasis only helps to validate the stereotype that men are better chefs than women. It is also an injustice to Stephanie as nasty rumors are spreading about her winning only because the network wanted a female Top Chef. Though I believe this statement is untrue, it is undeniably hard to prove wrong.

As far as winners go, Stephanie is very deserving. She won multiple challenges and seemed to always do well even when not selected as the victor. I also appreciate her approach to the whole “female issue.” When asked on the reunion show if she would rather be known as “the winner” or as “the first female winner,” Stephanie replied, “I’d rather be known as the winner of Season Four. I don’t want people to think that I won because I’m a female. I see myself as a chef before I see myself as a female chef.”

Stephanie’s win is a great accomplishment for her and nothing more. Not every competition needs to be a battle between the sexes. Supporting her because she is a woman is shallow and only serves to foster unhealthy competition. If we want men and women to truly be seen as equals then we need to start with our loyalties and prejudices. We need to support people -like Stephanie- who work hard and perform well, not because of or in spite of their sex, but regardless of it.

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I am the Queen of going, going, going ALL the time and burning the candle at both ends, a 21st Century Wonder Woman. I sometimes joke that I am a “work-a-holic” but I think the only real joke in that is it’s true. Either way, I have found that any form of extremity doesn’t serve me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a work-out junky, a health food nut, or a book worm, while all of these things are healthy habits, they can quickly become unhealthy obsessions. For instance, it’s very impressive to be productive, so that every time someone asks you’re up to yet ANOTHER fabulous thing, but at a certain point, you have to realize that it comes with a price as well.

The price for me lately has been exhaustions; running here, running there and yet never feeling like I can keep up with a schedule that seems to need twice the amount of hours in a day. For instance, I drove down to San Diego just for dinner the night before last because on top of everything else in my life, I had not seen a friend of mine in some time. And don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic to see him, but I was already running on fumes as far as energy goes so an added four hours round-trip was a bit excessive.

The repercussions were that I was literally falling asleep on the highway driving back to LA. I had to pull over and take a little nap in the grocery store parking lot!
Worse, when I drove back to LA I was already late to my lunch meeting with a lovely girl and had two more meetings that afternoon, a dinner and a birthday party. It was one of those nights by the time I got home, I crawled into bed and I think I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. The scary thing is I am all too familiar with this lifestyle as I’m sure many girls are today. What I’m learning though is that we needn’t save the world in a single day, that a war was never won overnight and without super powers.  I am constrained by the same, unchangeable 24 hour day.

I’ve also come to realize that my “to do” list is not do or die, it’s not imperative that I scratch over every single thing and often times, many of them aren’t all that important at all. I’m working on the self compassion of giving myself time to rest, not being so hard on myself all the time. It’s time we started honoring ourselves for what we have achieved rather than beating up ourselves over what we haven’t. On that note, I slept in today.  Why? Because you better believe I deserve it. I need more rewards, more treats and little well-deserved surprises. Work can wait, it can always wait. Life, on the other hand, cannot. I want to look back on my life and feel like I worked to live, not lived to work! So today’s itinerary: brunch with some of my best friends, a hike, a movie mid-afternoon and my pseudo birthday party (I’m flying home for my real birthday)! Sounds fantastic, maybe if I have time I’ll throw in a massage! Afterall, we are worth it ladies!

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Random thought, but why do people always say that when you’ve lost something, it’s always in the last place you look? No really, Captain Obvious?!?! Of course it is because when you find something, why in the world would you keep looking for it? Anyhow, I was running late the other day and for the life of me could not find my other shoe. Yes, we have all been there. I am running around like a chicken with my head chopped off in a cute back dress, one fantastic black shoe on one foot and a Cinderella syndrome with the other as I franticly search my room. First, it was my closet, touring into a war zone, then under my bed where even the boogie man shrank in fear of my frustration, then back to my closet, under my dresser and then my bathroom, living room, kitchen and yet, back to my closet.

It’s weird how you actually feel like a crazy person, knowing that you’ve already looked somewhere but for some reason, you look again, at the exact same place, hoping that the magic shoe fairy will have delicately placed your lost shoe where it previously did not exist. And what I love the most is it is always in the most obscure, how-in-the-world-did-it-get-there place when you finally find it. For instance, my shoe, don’t ask me how, was somehow shoved into my underwear/bra drawer. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. It reminds me of the time I put the remote in the freezer, my cell phone in my sock drawer, my coffee cup in my bathroom cabinet and my dinner in my kitchen cupboard (that was probably the best one). I spend twenty minutes after having made my dinner looking everywhere for it and after I pulled out the ol’ sniffer to locate my missing meal, I found it conveniently in my cupboard as though it were a clean plate taken out of the dishwasher.

Does this mean we are crazy? Maybe. Haha. I love where our heads go sometimes when we aren’t focusing on things and if anything they make for great icebreakers. My only advice on the disappearing shoe saga, our moms have great advice, put things away after you use them. Only now, as an adult, am I realizing the brilliance of that secret… because when you’re running ten minutes late, with no make up on, your hair unbrushed and half dressed, it’ nice to know where to find things as you race out the door! Speaking of, as usual, I am already late for my breakfast date, so I gotta run!

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There’s a reason why there’s nothing but reruns on television during the summer – motivation to get up and go!  Don’t be dissuaded to think there’s nothing to do if you aren’t twenty-one.  There are so many possibilities in every city if only we’d take the time to look and the energy to mobilize our friends (which can take persuasion, but will be well worth it)!  Scan this list of ideas for inspiration, keep an open mind, and explore something new.  Be creative, stay safe, and have fun!

Night Crawling

1. Museums After Dark
The after hours air warms up and museums all over the city open their doors for a mix of culture and socializing.  Many host monthly soirées featuring art and live music, while others feature weekly film presentations.  Some even host hands-on creative activities specifically for teens 13-18 on Friday nights.
2. Glow in the Dark Miniature Golf
Putt away the night on a glowing golf course!  Remember to wear white for the ultimate glow-in-the-dark experience.
3. Midnight Riding
Whether you’re a beginning bicyclist or training for the next Tour de France, a city- wide bicycle ride could be one of the most enjoyable ways to spend a Friday night.  Organized by city-based bicycle cultures, many large rides welcome cyclists of all ages and attract hundreds of people.  Usually participants pedal at an easy and steady pace all around the city.  Just remember to slap on your helmet before your ride!
4.  Beach Bonfire
Who says you need sun to be at the beach?  Many beaches close at 10, which leaves plenty of time to enjoy the sunset and a glowing fire by the ocean.
5. Summer Sledding
Otherwise known as ice blocking, this simple yet exhilarating activity requires a park with grassy hills, blocks of ice, and towels.  Drape a towel over a large block of ice (which can be found at grocery stores) and race down the slope!  Just make sure the path is clear, and wear jeans that can get dirty!
6. Creative Cinema
If you love films, you absolutely must check out movie screenings shown at cemeteries.  Many host screenings of classic movies where DJ’s spin before and after.   Or, watch a movie vintage style by driving into a drive-in.  These relic theaters may come few and far between, but they are a must-go (especially in the summer).
7. Ten O’clock Strike
Many bowling alleys leave their doors open until the wee hours of the morning,  featuring themed nights such as “Lights Out” or “Vegas Night” with prizes.  Music, karaoke, and dancing may lure bowlers from the lanes to be entertained all night long.
8. Venue Venture
You may have already circled all the dates on your calendar for when your favorite band/singer/pop star is stopping by, but why not venture to enjoy new, live music?  Support a local artist by popping into a café or enjoy a touring Brazilian Jazz band to expand your music arsenal.
9. Kick Back and Laugh
Watch some live comedy sans the laugh track and you’ll be smiling until the corners of your mouth ache.  Comedy Clubs vary in their age requirements, so check the local ones nearby.
10. Spectator Spectacular
Support a performance!  Watch a dance troupe, play, or musical.  To spice things up some productions are extremely creative.  For example, you can check out Shakespeare by the Sea or contemporary dances choreographed with live DJs.
11. Dance the Night Away
There are tons of venues that cater to an 18+ crowd and others promote specific nights welcoming all ages.  Keep an eye out for these, or gather your friends for a dance party of your own!  Make it fresh and change the location – in the woods, an emptied swimming pool, an attic.  Music is mandatory; disco ball is optional.

Daylight Drifting

12. Do Good
There is always a huge selection of volunteer opportunities to choose from.  Research what interests you and you may be surprised at what you find!  From gallery touring to film screening, library reading, or even bicycle burrito delivering,     volunteering is a great way to do good and pursue an interest.  If you’re wary of a time commitment, try volunteering for a specific event like a festival coming to your town.  This would concentrate your time to the length of the event.
13. Kick Up Some Dust
Whether you’re an intense athlete or a leisure nature walker, the summer is the perfect time to pursue what you love and stay active.  Join a recreational sports team, swim, walk, cycle, hike – be in the outdoors, stay active, and have fun!
14.  Thrift Hunt
If you love to shop, stretch that dollar as far as it can go by spending a day hopping around thrift stores.  They offer vintage one-of-a-kind clothing and décor for dirt cheap!  You have to paw and sort through piles of clothes but when you find something you love, it will be well worth it.
15. Real Research
Studying may be the last thing on your mind this summer, unless you’re the subject being studied!  It sounds a bit quirky, but tons of universities look for participants to help with research involving simple yet intriguing tests or surveys.  Most require participants to be 18+ but why not try something interesting and be paid a few dollars while you’re at it?
16. Nourished by Nature
Wake up early to beat the heat and take a nature hike to re-energize.  Or, have a picnic at a local park to read or play Frisbee.  You’ll still feel miles away from the roads and towns.
17. Have a Cup of Coffee
Have you heard about the debut of the $15 cup of coffee?  Why not make it an outing and try it?  Or, if you’d rather not spool out the dough, why not try something equally random and ridiculous?
18. Words Unfold
Make your reading list come alive by scanning the paper for your favorite writers stopping by local bookstores to give readings.  Often followed by a Q&A, this is a great way to speak with the person who created your favorite fantasy world.
19. Creative Cluster
Gather your friends for a collaborative art project.  Bring out all your arts and crafts supplies and a large canvas like butcher paper or a broken door.  Play music and get creative!
20. Pro-Productivity
Take advantage of the extra time and learn something you’ve always wanted to do! Go horseback riding, dabble in Photoshop, pluck some guitar strings, or even learn to crochet.  Keep at it and you’ll most definitely feel accomplished by the end of summer.
21. K.I.T.
Read and write to I Am That Girl!  (Well, of course this would be in here!)  Keep checking in for updates and let us know your questions, opinions, and stories – we’d love to hear from you!

photos by chris wilson, megan ann

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As we sit outside of the Coffee Bean in Beverly Hills, it’s hard for Adrian and I to ignore the young women walking around as Barbie dolls lookalikes, and the other surrounding girls eyeing them with envy. Meanwhile, we sit and discuss Adrian’s struggles in life and how gracefully she has overcome them. And, even though she’s just wearing her sweats and running shoes, Adrian radiates more natural beauty than any of the other girls. As she talks, her personality shines like the L.A. sun that warms our backs.

Adrian started running when she was only five years old. She became involved in track through high school and college. While running in college, she realized she didn’t know what else she wanted to do; even though she wanted to work, she didn’t know how to get started. She decided to stop running, do a little soul searching, and figure out her future. While on break from running, she ran straight into a roadblock that she said still affects her today.

After she stopped her avid running and workout schedule, she started to become more aware of her body and what she ate. While running, Adrian didn’t care what she ate because she needed the energy and calories to use on her runs. Though it started out small, (trying diets, cutting back on foods), her obsession soon became much more. Adrian’s problem elevated to the point where she would believe that eating that one piece of cheese could make her weight blow up.

Anorexia and bulimia worked themselves tightly into Adrian’s life. Adrian attributes her successful recovery to her mother’s support. Her mother, who was also her best friend, eventually sat her down and talked some sense into her. Though her mother may have acted as the catalyst, Adrian showed undeniable strength and will power in overcoming her disorder.

Adrian knew that she had to get back into running because it was the only way she could stay sane. After her struggle, she moved out to L.A. to pursue her fitness-training career. She started working at a gym with more outdoor sport offerings, like rock walls (yup, she climbs too!). She currently works as a trainer at Sports Club L.A.. Curious about this gym, I asked if she gets the vapid, wanna-be-Barbies there. She said yes. There are people who come in looking for instantly gratifying results. They come in wanting to look and feel better, but some are not willing to make the necessary life-style changes. The media, she says, affects everyone. Adrian says there are women at the gym with great, toned arms that see these size zero girls and envy them. Some women work out like fiends, to a dangerously unhealthy extent. And all of this, she believes, is in the hands of the media, and everyone who buys into the media’s beauty image.

So to avoid the superficial mindset around her, Adrian runs. She runs marathons and triathlons and trains her butt off for both. Her most recent marathon was the world famous Boston Marathon, which has been around since 1887. This race is the 2nd most popular sporting event world wide, just behind the Olympics. Adrian qualified for it with her first race time, which is a very difficult thing to do. What’s the hardest thing about this race? Not only is it 26.2 miles, but the last few miles are all hills, including the fear-worthy “heart-break hill.” Adrian said she saw people literally dropping while running up the hill. I asked in awe how she managed to get up that killer hill. Simple. She just told herself to keep going.

It was her self-trust that took her to the end, but it took a lot of preparation to get there, including three months of specific training. She will continue with her triathlons until the Saint Georges Marathon, where she hopes to have shaved at least 15 min. off her Boston Marathon time (3hr. 42min). Her ultimate goal is 2hr. and 45 min, the time needed to qualify for the Olympics. She told me to look for her in the 2012 Olympics and I definitely believe she’ll be there. With her strong goals, self-trust, and stunning personality, I know Adrian will go further than around a track, or up over a hill; she will run into a successful and fulfilling life.

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